My Experience at the World Congress of Families IX #WCF9

Friday morning I woke up early, threw on a dress and some tights and headed to Salt Lake from my Provo apartment. I'd been prepped, sort of, to know what to expect and what my job was at the World Congress of Families IX. I was to report on two of the events, incorporating similar perspectives of families across a variety of religions.

I spent the entire day around the conference Friday and I wish I could have experienced more. I have never been in a place of such obvious religious diversity, and this is not my first time out of Provo. (This summer alone I visited nine different countries, so really I'm not kidding).

As I returned home, exhausted and inspired, there were thoughts racing through my mind. What had I just experienced? What was influential? Did I agree with everything?

I looked at the hashtag on Twitter to find the much-expected-criticism calling the #WCF9 a "hate group" of sorts. Not surprised, but a bit curious, I opened a couple of these articles, reading through the criticism.

The articles seemed well written, good arguments, obviously biased -- although it's a difficult topic to be somehow unbiased. One highly debated topic was the meaning of Women Empowered. The article spoke tirelessly of the idea that "women empowered" was some kind of trick to empower women only if it was in the home and within the context of families.

While I have little knowledge or place to address many of the complaints against this conference, as a 20 year old college student, dedicating my life to learning and preparing for a future occupation with hopes of a family in my future, I couldn't leave that unaddressed.

I spend more hours in a week doing homework and studying in class than some people spend in their job right now. I enjoy some of it, and I frequently feel like school is kicking my butt. I attend the second highest ranked university in Utah and the 87th in the nation. It's not an easy process to excel in a class or get accepted into the program you may want. My semester was just over a 50% acceptance rate for the public relations program.

I'm working hard and I have an interest in working in PR. I wouldn't be studying so hard if I didn't care, trust me, my math class is one of my least favorite parts of each day currently.

If I have the opportunity to stay home to be a full-time mom though...will I?

Let me answer that this way: the most influential people in my life, hands-down absolutely no questions are my parents & specifically my mom.

I call my mom all of the time to ask her advice or tell her about my day. She makes time for me and all of us kids. She has honestly sacrificed her life for us because without children, who knows what she'd be doing instead. Maybe she would be a highly respected teacher or business-woman. I don't know, but what I do know is she is a highly appreciated mom and I'm grateful for that.

Raising kids IS hard. I'm not speaking from experience (obviously) but from a time perspective alone, my mom works so hard for us from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to bed, generally dictated by our needs.

That my mom stayed home with us and my dad was able to support my family while I  grew up is not the standard across families -- I know this. However, I expect that children from families with both parents working, or even a single parent home would say their parent(s) were also the most influential people/person in their lives.

So then it comes down to this, will I work? Yes at some point in my life I will work. Maybe for most of it, maybe only until I have children or likely some combination.

But as much as is possible, I want to focus my life on my (future) children and their needs.

Is that "giving up my life" or is that "empowering?"

I could make a difference in the work space.  I really could. Maybe I will. 

But as a mom, I know I will. For better of for worse a mother and father shape the world of their children. My parents taught and continue to teach me right and wrong, largely preparing me for the experiences I will and currently am experiencing.

So I say, with all my 20-year-old college student "power" I wish I had, being a woman and having the opportunity to be a mom is empowering.

fresh starts

Isn’t it a relief that each day we get a fresh start? We get to start all over and decide how we want to act and how we want to accomplish what needs to be done that day. 

& occasionally in life we get a chance to have an even bigger fresh start. Be it moving, starting a new class, making new friends, whatever it may be we have that chance sometimes. 

Every school year I seem to get nervous about meeting people or facing the new challenges…(& sometimes nervous is an understatement) 

But this year I am thrilled. Honestly. 

I have the best roommates & a new apartment, ward, schedule, so much new & I’m glad for the chance to have super fresh starts and a dream team of roommates. 

Here's a picture of Cinque Terre, Italy I took until next week when I hopefully have lots more pictures of all nine countries I visited on my computer

Six Years in Hiking: #sixthsummit

I love my mtns. 

Especially Mount Timpanogos

+I seriously considered backing out of summiting part way through my hike last weekend as I was nauseous, tired, & I've seen it five times. But we finished it & we finished quick. 

+ The internal battle was real but I'm proud of myself for finishing when I had fully justified taking a nap in the meadow instead. 

+So here's a timeline of the last six hikes and 5 summits just for kicks. 

[one year we had to turn around at the saddle for a case of altitude sickness]

Also, I haven't been able to get the first 600ish photos off my phone yet from the beginning of my 7 weeks in Europe so I can't post about that YET, although you can expect it as soon as those pictures get moved over. 

(several hours on the phone with Apple still isn't getting me closer..) 

2010:

2011:

2012:

2013:

2014:

2015:

Bonus:

I really think this is one of THE prettiest hikes. Otherwise Why On Earth would I keep doing it. I may have been asking myself that all last weekend.

so this is life.

"Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they've given us."

Well I realized I only post here when I have some profound thoughts or need some way to arrange my thoughts, but then again my mind is always running and frequently dives into cycles of deep thought throughout the day. This quote [above] sums things up pretty decently. (although summing up is really an impossible feat)

Today I got a new swimsuit, shirt and skirt for Europe, sunglasses, &...guys: Europe? 

I leave a week from tomorrow morning..WHAT? 

I'm not packed.

I don't even know what I'm going to pack. 

I still have to take an Econ final (yiiiikes)

I have 4 more Econ assignments & a paper. 

I have 12 more online quizzes for my class & 5 days of class. 

2 days of work.

a handful of goodbyes (really only a handful like I'm going to be gone 6 weeks and not that many people will notice..haha)

But hey, this should be exciting! 

(I should be so much more excited but I'm so nervous) 

^real talk, but I will work on the getting excited bit. 

breathing all the air

I don't have words enough to describe sufficiently the feelings and events of the past handful of months. It's been too long as always seems to happen.

It has given me more of an appreciation for how interconnected we are as human beings, how there are so many things you can't plan for, how words like 'crazy' and 'stressed' sometimes just don't hold a candle to the weight or meaning you need them to hold.

I've gained more of an appreciation for how beautiful life is, and for how much I love being here.

& with everything happening, including the breakdowns, I can honestly say I am just so happy to be where I am and (ramping up the cliche-ness) I would not give any of this up. It's semesters & terms like this that define my 20 years of life.

//late nights laughing and telling stories (with more details than anyone ever was curious to know) with my roommates who are seriously incredible
//heartbreaking news of every kind
//late nights at the HBLL (library)
//rock-climbing stress-relief
//walks in the sunshine (or snow..or mud-rain?)
//phone calls upon phone calls
//concerts which drown out all of the other feelings. I love concerts.
//my very best friend's beautiful wedding
//not enough sleep but not regretting that because the awake time is so good
//& sometimes not enough sleep because awake time isn't good and it keeps me from sleeping
//too many nights on a couch
//lots of hours in the car, any car
//15 plants in my little apartment then taken to my bedroom window
//long showers because the end of the shower generally means facing the day
//serious appreciation for people who make you laugh
//& for people who know little things about you, even silly things like how cleaning my room is therapeutic or my dislike of eggs
//hiking in Zion National Park with quality friends
//warm sweaters in rainy weather with my family
//snapchat videos from friends upon friends
//random strangers from an economics class
//priesthood blessings
//& the fact that with downs come ups and there's no good without the bad

It all interconnects to make up my life which I love as a whole, even though some of the days are great some of the days are terrible and some of the days are like Utah weather which may be sunny car-washing weather in the morning and pouring thunderstorm in the afternoon.


There's more pictures but let's just look at these ones.

periodicals by the window

Things that I am good at:

Finding literally any reason to not do homework

& People, these reasons they are legitimate things

like cleaning my room, doing the dishes, organizing my closet, doing my laundry, feeding myself, catching up with a friend, saving the world, writing blog posts..(cough, cough)

& here I’ve been in the library for at least an hour

but what have I gotten done?

Well I found a couple sweet plants on pinterest

& I sent a couple emails

and I caught up with a friend

& drank a lot of water…dehydration/boredom same thing

& we sat at the end of the periodicals which are by these huge windows

I love windows

& light

& outside the windows is all of this pretty green plant-life

all green plantlife is pretty I think

(plantlife isn’t even a word)

But now it’s pitch black so whether or not we were by the window wouldn’t actually matter

Although I can see myself, and if it wasn’t really creepy I’d probably snap a picture of myself in the window…

I tried, it didn’t work

Well that’s all – I’m going to write 1 of my two 5-page-papers now

Bye.

(for the record, I did finish that paper at 10:30pm and then left the library just before 11..but if you're ever wondering where I'll be the next few nights (aka until finals begin and end)-- periodicals by the window are probably a good bet).

no window picture but here is that lovely cactus from pinterest:

rope.

It's been a month...a little more actually.
You know that quote that says, well this:

I feel very much like this at the moment. 

And by moment I mean this month

and last month

and possibly next month as well

& you can blame it on finals

or you can blame it on life in general

but all I know is it's a good thing my arms are a little stronger from the rock climbing that I now have quite a love for

because I'm not letting go anytime soon.

& actually, there are some very good things in my life right now

& by things, naturally I primarily mean people.

General Conference is wonderful too

as well as the weather

but sometimes there doesn't need to be a reason, 

things are just difficult. 

Sometimes you don't need any stress endusers, 

you're just stressed. 

But I'm holding onto that knot

but focusing on the good

& recognizing I just simply cannot do everything. 

Thursday Night (Musings).

Is it bad to put musings in the title of a blog post? Probably. Who is going to read that.
But here goes the diving in portion:

I am just so completely and utterly me. (cliche line of the century, but oh well)
& maybe instead of living small, because of anxiety and fears, I just have to live big because, you know what? It doesn't matter. They don't go away they just adapt to whatever the life situation is that I am in. They are incredible that way. They as in my anxieties and fears.

& who cares if people think I'm strange or quirky (I think I'm kind of strange & quirky..)
& who cares if I like to hike in the mountains & wear comfy clothes, but dress up on occasion. & maybe I only like to wear plain mascara, brush my hair, & forget the rest (or maybe not brush my hair but it depends on the day and I've already explained my messy hair philosophy.)

& who cares if I like to sing cheesy love songs, & laugh too loud, too hard, too often. Maybe I have a loud opinion sometimes & am quiet & reflective other times. Who makes those rules anyway?

I am quirky. I am me. I want to meet the entire world somedays & somedays getting out of my small circle of friends is So Difficult.

I am so drawn to beautiful things & chances to just GO.

The sun is my best friend & winter is hard. I've always wondered what "wearing your heart on your sleeve" means but I think I do that. & somedays I am totally and completely lost in life.

I am concerned about what people think about me and about pleasing others. It's controlling sometimes. But other times I'm more concerned about what I think of myself, because that is fairly important as well.

Writing is therapeutic & comes in waves. Words seem to slip into my mind and out as fast as they came. I want to tell everyone my life story and hear everyones' but somedays I don't think I have much of anything significant to share. I wrote all these words on a scrap of paper in my car because I couldn't stop the words from slipping out and I didn't want to forget them because they seemed somewhat significant to me. Then a song came on completely reminding me of other things and the thoughts ended.

But tomorrow I'm going to Las Vegas for the WCC Tournament (GO BYU) and today and everyday I'm just making small little steps towards accepting myself more, because God knows my heart, I am learning my heart, and as long as my family supports me...I don't see why it really matters.

Good & a little Crazy

Whenever someone ask me how my day, week, month, semester, year, or life are going I feel a little bit like a broken record as I inevitably tell them, It's good! A little bit crazy, but good! I mean when is life not a little bit crazy and yet still good? And when it's not good, I mean we don't generally say that. But that's a topic for another day because currently my life is good, but a little crazy. 

^Last BYU Basketball Home Game^

(It's okay we're going to the WCC Vegas Tournament!) 

^Love these girls. <3^

 ^BYU Volleyball Game^

 ^1.5 semesters into the year we finally took a roommate picture post-church^

^love these girls, & so excited we're going to be rooming again next year^

life mottos

I blog at terrible times sometimes, because it's just whenever my brain feels like it would be a great way to declutter and organize some thoughts, and sometimes that is 12:29am (don't tell my mom).. But my heart just felt good about this tonight.

Here I am looking at quote after quote on pinterest because, after a long day, that is quite relaxing (I am such a girl, what can I say) & I decided some of these things just really describe my life quite well. We've been talking a lot about mottos, values, and slogans for companies in my classes -- so if I were to give you 5 mottos of my life right now in this current moment here's what they would be. and that won't be comprehensive, because what in life is actually comprehensive when it comes to feelings and thoughts.

 ^sometimes life has a lot of pressure. & when I say that I mean like a lot a lot. That is all.^

 ^this is just perfect^

Okay so this hair thing. I cut my hair last week pretty short & it's quite 

messy and can I tell you how good I feel about that? Because why should 

my hair be much more put together than my life which is sometimes just a 

whirlwind of emotions & I mean I'm not talking dreadlocks messy here

although (not so) secretly I think dread locks are kind of cool. But I could 

never in a million years rock those...I'll stop now..

& of course for that whirlwind of emotions

comment there's the quote on the left.

^this is just obviously so good, sometimes in the fog of accounting homework it's important to step back and just feel happy about my existence on this beautiful earth^

& a bonus because this quote is just too lovely not to include in a post such as this:

-

4:26 is a very pleasant time.
The weather today was lovely.
& somedays in the midst of the whirlwind that life is
(and it always is)
there is peace.

& when there is peace, I stop. & smile. & just breath it in and out hoping that it can sink into me & stick around, for a long time. Because I know too soon it will be gone and it's such a warm, hopeful, happy feeling.

2015 & All That Jazz.

Happy New Year. Friday. & 2 days until school starts. 

In the spirit of the New Year I just wanted to be honestly quite real. 

I was looking through some old posts and photos of mine on Instagram (c'mon we all do it) & I came across a picture of a pretty location with some nice words as the caption & I distinctly remember that being one of the WORST days. Ever. Seriously it was awful. 

& That picture was taken in the midst of the awfulness, but no one would ever know that.

All of the sudden all of these fragmented thoughts came together and I realized this difference between being positive and not being real. A positive person may acknowledge a problem but put a nice spin on it. Maybe find a silver lining of sorts. <-- (guys, my roommates..!)

BUT if you just ignore completely the huge glaring problem -- that's not real. 

This is not a call to action. I don't want to read about people's problems all day on Instagram. Even positive spins of them. This isn't even a new problem, we all know it goes on. But I'm a pretty real person in real life (again, ask those roommates of mine), & I just want to say we're all allowed to have freaking bad days. Full of anxiety. Full of doubts. Full of guilt, or depression, or frustration, or whatever the heck you are struggling with & that is completely okay. 

I have lots. 

More than I admit to anyone. & We all have different incomparable battles. Maybe full-fledged internal wars. 

But follow me on Instagram (or whatever) and you're not going to know that.

I don't care how lovely your Instagram is

But this new year I'll be real

because I am

& LIFE is

and so are doubts

and so is anxiety

& maybe when we face the reality of that

comparison steals less joy

& we can live in the moment of our well deserved 

happiness.