Thursday Night (Musings).

Is it bad to put musings in the title of a blog post? Probably. Who is going to read that.
But here goes the diving in portion:

I am just so completely and utterly me. (cliche line of the century, but oh well)
& maybe instead of living small, because of anxiety and fears, I just have to live big because, you know what? It doesn't matter. They don't go away they just adapt to whatever the life situation is that I am in. They are incredible that way. They as in my anxieties and fears.

& who cares if people think I'm strange or quirky (I think I'm kind of strange & quirky..)
& who cares if I like to hike in the mountains & wear comfy clothes, but dress up on occasion. & maybe I only like to wear plain mascara, brush my hair, & forget the rest (or maybe not brush my hair but it depends on the day and I've already explained my messy hair philosophy.)

& who cares if I like to sing cheesy love songs, & laugh too loud, too hard, too often. Maybe I have a loud opinion sometimes & am quiet & reflective other times. Who makes those rules anyway?

I am quirky. I am me. I want to meet the entire world somedays & somedays getting out of my small circle of friends is So Difficult.

I am so drawn to beautiful things & chances to just GO.

The sun is my best friend & winter is hard. I've always wondered what "wearing your heart on your sleeve" means but I think I do that. & somedays I am totally and completely lost in life.

I am concerned about what people think about me and about pleasing others. It's controlling sometimes. But other times I'm more concerned about what I think of myself, because that is fairly important as well.

Writing is therapeutic & comes in waves. Words seem to slip into my mind and out as fast as they came. I want to tell everyone my life story and hear everyones' but somedays I don't think I have much of anything significant to share. I wrote all these words on a scrap of paper in my car because I couldn't stop the words from slipping out and I didn't want to forget them because they seemed somewhat significant to me. Then a song came on completely reminding me of other things and the thoughts ended.

But tomorrow I'm going to Las Vegas for the WCC Tournament (GO BYU) and today and everyday I'm just making small little steps towards accepting myself more, because God knows my heart, I am learning my heart, and as long as my family supports me...I don't see why it really matters.

Good & a little Crazy

Whenever someone ask me how my day, week, month, semester, year, or life are going I feel a little bit like a broken record as I inevitably tell them, It's good! A little bit crazy, but good! I mean when is life not a little bit crazy and yet still good? And when it's not good, I mean we don't generally say that. But that's a topic for another day because currently my life is good, but a little crazy. 

^Last BYU Basketball Home Game^

(It's okay we're going to the WCC Vegas Tournament!) 

^Love these girls. <3^

 ^BYU Volleyball Game^

 ^1.5 semesters into the year we finally took a roommate picture post-church^

^love these girls, & so excited we're going to be rooming again next year^

life mottos

I blog at terrible times sometimes, because it's just whenever my brain feels like it would be a great way to declutter and organize some thoughts, and sometimes that is 12:29am (don't tell my mom).. But my heart just felt good about this tonight.

Here I am looking at quote after quote on pinterest because, after a long day, that is quite relaxing (I am such a girl, what can I say) & I decided some of these things just really describe my life quite well. We've been talking a lot about mottos, values, and slogans for companies in my classes -- so if I were to give you 5 mottos of my life right now in this current moment here's what they would be. and that won't be comprehensive, because what in life is actually comprehensive when it comes to feelings and thoughts.

 ^sometimes life has a lot of pressure. & when I say that I mean like a lot a lot. That is all.^

 ^this is just perfect^

Okay so this hair thing. I cut my hair last week pretty short & it's quite 

messy and can I tell you how good I feel about that? Because why should 

my hair be much more put together than my life which is sometimes just a 

whirlwind of emotions & I mean I'm not talking dreadlocks messy here

although (not so) secretly I think dread locks are kind of cool. But I could 

never in a million years rock those...I'll stop now..

& of course for that whirlwind of emotions

comment there's the quote on the left.

^this is just obviously so good, sometimes in the fog of accounting homework it's important to step back and just feel happy about my existence on this beautiful earth^

& a bonus because this quote is just too lovely not to include in a post such as this: