goodbyes: seeing through the blurred vision.

6 months ago from today I said goodbye to my best friend and watched as he walked down the steps from my porch to his car and drove off for the last time for at least the next two years, taking part of my heart with him as he left for england.

2 months ago I walked out of my high school knowing many of the wonderful people I’ve met and friendships I made would end right there, regardless of how much I wanted it to be otherwise.

3 weeks ago I went into the airport with my best friend since seventh grade, her parents, and little sister as she boarded her flight to San Diego and eventually Hawaii. I left with only her parents and sister along with a few extra tears, streaks of mascara on my face, and a prayer that I will be able to fly to Hawaii sometime so I won’t have to wait an entire year to see her again.

Every week at least a couple of my friends leave for somewhere around the world. Whether for school or more often an LDS mission, I know I won’t see them for quite a while.

At first it made me bitter, very bitter in fact. I was angry, why would my Heavenly Father give me such incredible relationships if He was only going to take them away!? That didn’t seem very fair.

Everyone told me, “This is what happens. You make new friends, you’ll be fine.”

Although I know I will make new friends and I do want to make new friends, it still is incredibly difficult and I’m still in that downtime between the ‘goodbyes’ and ‘hellos’.

Then it hit me. These extraordinary people I love weren’t mine to keep. They never were really mine. The memories, the friendships, yes those are mine. But the people are Heavenly Father’s and He needs them to do other things and help other people.

He blessed me with them for as long as He could, but now He needs them back. Some will forever be separated from me, and some only for a short time. (A short time in the long scheme of things that is).

 With that perspective having them in my life as we grew together and helped each other was truly a gigantic blessing. I truly believe I was blessed with some of the best people this world has to offer in my life, because they were simply the people I needed, and --each in their own way-- they needed me.

So next time you have a hard time seeing why something is the way it is, think about how your vision may be blurred. Maybe from resentment, anger even, or maybe just the tears in your eyes as you watch someone you love, leave you.

God has a plan for each of us, a flawless plan, completely unrivaled by that of the world. Trust Him. No matter how hard it is. It is worth it.

And while you're at it, appreciate the people who are in your life. show them you love them, tell them even. I have become increasingly aware of the many people in my life who are still here and spectacular as ever. i am so blessed, and so are you.

Jessica may, best friends since 7^th grade, Oregon coast.

  

Graduation with these LOVELY friends

 Hiking timp. --In the middle of a cloud-- with this amazing kid!

 Indian wells tennis tournament with this girl who I love to pieces, seriously.

 My best friend  (currently in England). this is about as candid as it gets people. (;

p.s. Feel free to comment, follow, or leave suggestions (:

lead me, guide me, walk beside me

We all have those 

 --situations that make us uncomfortable, 

 --thoughts we'd really prefer not to let into our minds,

 --and feelings we'd like to put an end to..

How do you do it?

I personally like to sing songs, generally in my head, and the ones that always seem to come to mind are songs I learned as a child. 

Most often it is, "I am a Child of God" written especially for children to learn but also for all members of the world to enjoy. 

The chorus at the end of each verse goes like this: 

"Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way.

Teach me all that I must do, to live with Him some day"

I was singing this in my head the other day when I realized, possibly for the first time, what that was really saying. 

In order to return to live with my Father in Heaven after this Earth life I must be lead and guided by the spirit in all things. Even in the simplest little things we should be seeking God's council.

Here is how I found this works: 

When deciding

which restaurant to go to,

what outfit to wear,

which activity to participate in,

or what music to listen to,

do we need to kneel in prayer every single time?

 In general, I don't feel like that is essential. What I do consider to be critical is being aware of the way you feel, more specifically to listen to the spirit.

You may not know what that means. Maybe "listen to the spirit" is such an overused phrase in “Mormon culture” that it has become insignificant, meaningless in some way or maybe you've never heard it before! Let me try to explain it in fresh words. 

The Spirit of God is the Holy Ghost, a friend we can consistently have with us every minute of every day, once we are confirmed after baptism. You can't see Him, but He is a best friend that will NEVER give you bad advice. He is incapable of doing so. Heavenly Father won't allow it. Period. So when you feel that little nudge of, 

"Maybe I shouldn't be here," leave. 

"Maybe I shouldn't wear this…" don't. 

"Maybe I shouldn't listen to this…" change it.

So simple, and yet so safe!

There have been multiple cases in which I KNOW that the Holy Ghost has lead me out of a situation that could potentially have been quite harmful. Listen to the Holy Ghost, even when it is just a little thing, because then it becomes easier to listen when the big things come along.

The other day as I went to put on one of my favorite pair of shorts, I realized they felt a little tighter than I remembered and looked a little shorter. I considered for a few minutes whether or not I should wear them. It was going to be a hot day and I had no other clean shorts.

I took them off and put on a rolled up pair of pants instead. Not only did I get many compliments on my pants, I felt so much more confident with myself. I even ran into a family that I respect and love very much, and while sitting and talking with them, I realized how grateful I was I had listened to that prompting. If not my conversation would've been poor as my mind struggled to focus on anything but the length and size of my pants as I uncomfortably would've tugged and fidgeted with them. Even because of small things such as this I am grateful for the Holy Ghost's influence in my life.

So listen to that still, small, feeling inside of you. The suggestions you well receive from Him are priceless.

You Never Stand Alone, Ever.

As the lyrics to one of my choir's last songs so plainly says:

"I never stand alone, when I stand with God

and I stand with His prophets 

wherever I may go 

when I stand with God 

I never stand alone..

"I stand with Nephi and Moroni

With Abinadi who testified through flames

with Saints through the ages

stalwart and faithful

leading me, telling me

I never stand

I never stand alone.."

During our first and last choir-tour concerts the audience spontaneously stood with us. Tears flowing down our faces we more perfectly understand what that really meant, although you may feel like you are standing alone, never are you really. God's angels stand round about you and His spirit cheers up yours. 

She Will Find What Is Lost: Brian Kershisnik 

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