periodicals by the window

Things that I am good at:

Finding literally any reason to not do homework

& People, these reasons they are legitimate things

like cleaning my room, doing the dishes, organizing my closet, doing my laundry, feeding myself, catching up with a friend, saving the world, writing blog posts..(cough, cough)

& here I’ve been in the library for at least an hour

but what have I gotten done?

Well I found a couple sweet plants on pinterest

& I sent a couple emails

and I caught up with a friend

& drank a lot of water…dehydration/boredom same thing

& we sat at the end of the periodicals which are by these huge windows

I love windows

& light

& outside the windows is all of this pretty green plant-life

all green plantlife is pretty I think

(plantlife isn’t even a word)

But now it’s pitch black so whether or not we were by the window wouldn’t actually matter

Although I can see myself, and if it wasn’t really creepy I’d probably snap a picture of myself in the window…

I tried, it didn’t work

Well that’s all – I’m going to write 1 of my two 5-page-papers now

Bye.

(for the record, I did finish that paper at 10:30pm and then left the library just before 11..but if you're ever wondering where I'll be the next few nights (aka until finals begin and end)-- periodicals by the window are probably a good bet).

no window picture but here is that lovely cactus from pinterest:

rope.

It's been a month...a little more actually.
You know that quote that says, well this:

I feel very much like this at the moment. 

And by moment I mean this month

and last month

and possibly next month as well

& you can blame it on finals

or you can blame it on life in general

but all I know is it's a good thing my arms are a little stronger from the rock climbing that I now have quite a love for

because I'm not letting go anytime soon.

& actually, there are some very good things in my life right now

& by things, naturally I primarily mean people.

General Conference is wonderful too

as well as the weather

but sometimes there doesn't need to be a reason, 

things are just difficult. 

Sometimes you don't need any stress endusers, 

you're just stressed. 

But I'm holding onto that knot

but focusing on the good

& recognizing I just simply cannot do everything. 

Thursday Night (Musings).

Is it bad to put musings in the title of a blog post? Probably. Who is going to read that.
But here goes the diving in portion:

I am just so completely and utterly me. (cliche line of the century, but oh well)
& maybe instead of living small, because of anxiety and fears, I just have to live big because, you know what? It doesn't matter. They don't go away they just adapt to whatever the life situation is that I am in. They are incredible that way. They as in my anxieties and fears.

& who cares if people think I'm strange or quirky (I think I'm kind of strange & quirky..)
& who cares if I like to hike in the mountains & wear comfy clothes, but dress up on occasion. & maybe I only like to wear plain mascara, brush my hair, & forget the rest (or maybe not brush my hair but it depends on the day and I've already explained my messy hair philosophy.)

& who cares if I like to sing cheesy love songs, & laugh too loud, too hard, too often. Maybe I have a loud opinion sometimes & am quiet & reflective other times. Who makes those rules anyway?

I am quirky. I am me. I want to meet the entire world somedays & somedays getting out of my small circle of friends is So Difficult.

I am so drawn to beautiful things & chances to just GO.

The sun is my best friend & winter is hard. I've always wondered what "wearing your heart on your sleeve" means but I think I do that. & somedays I am totally and completely lost in life.

I am concerned about what people think about me and about pleasing others. It's controlling sometimes. But other times I'm more concerned about what I think of myself, because that is fairly important as well.

Writing is therapeutic & comes in waves. Words seem to slip into my mind and out as fast as they came. I want to tell everyone my life story and hear everyones' but somedays I don't think I have much of anything significant to share. I wrote all these words on a scrap of paper in my car because I couldn't stop the words from slipping out and I didn't want to forget them because they seemed somewhat significant to me. Then a song came on completely reminding me of other things and the thoughts ended.

But tomorrow I'm going to Las Vegas for the WCC Tournament (GO BYU) and today and everyday I'm just making small little steps towards accepting myself more, because God knows my heart, I am learning my heart, and as long as my family supports me...I don't see why it really matters.